Illustrated Teacup

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Saturday, 24 January 2015

LIFESTYLE: Take Back What's Yours After Miscarriage.


A couple of weeks back I was nominated by Katy at The Lilac Scrapbook to take part in this little campaign. 

As the start of a new year everyone is about making personal change.
Now I realise we are almost a month in to 2015 but I was all scheduled up for January (check me out getting blog organised), but I still think this is pertinent. 

The 'Take Back What's Yours' campaign is about motivating people; you, me, bloggers, writers, everyone, to take back an aspect of their life that they've  lost. It can be happiness, confidence, positivity, anything that you've lost that you want back about yourself.

For me, I want to take back my drive for success and my love for life after my miscarriage in 2014.


Ask me at 18, or 21, what I wanted to do, and I would have given you a list as long as your arm of the things I was going to achieve,  in order, around my career, love life, travelling, extra-curricular, and education... well you get the drift. 

But in the last couple of years,  I've  kind of plodded along. I got my degree, giant tick in the box. I got a proper job, big tick in the box. I got a cat, tick in the box (twice). I travelled, tick in the box. I got married, great big tick in the box.
But I wasn't  doing what  I loved. Yeah I paid my bills, and could save to get married  and go on my honeymoon without borrowing  money,  and get tattoos; but I wasn't  satisfied.

To be honest, I've  always thought  of myself as a career girl, but after getting married and meeting my god-daughter, I wanted to start a family  and I dropped the ball on my career. 

After a few months of trying, I found out I was pregnant. I was over the moon, if a little overwhelmed. And then the unimaginable happened. I had a miscarriage at nine weeks. I was totally devastated and heartbroken. My husband equally so. Honestly I've  never known heartache like it, for something that I really never thought would affect me. There is always the risk, and one in five pregnancies end in miscarriage in the first 12 weeks, so its not uncommon, but no less upsetting or easy to deal with. 

I spent the following six months, or so, struggling to find myself, and its half the reason I created this here blog. I plodded along, because I had no idea what  to do with  myself.
It was then that I realised, I wasn't  happy  with myself.  I needed to be happy with myself before I could bring a baby into  the world, because one of the most important things I want to teach my children  is to love life and have passion  and drive in everything that you do.

So that's what I'm taking back... my drive and passion to have the best possible life, so that I can set an example for my children  one day 
I have a new focus,  and although I will always be a little bit sad about my miscarriage, its reinvigorated my life, given me a different purpose, and I've  had so  any opportunities to be thankful for.

This post is probably one of the hardest I'll ever write (I've  written different variations about four times without publishing), but after reading some inspiring and difficult  posts from Becky, Cat and Claire (and some super kind and motivating words from Claire) I decided that it was time to share my story. I'll forever be thankful to my husband for always having my back and getting me through the tears, heartache  and pain, and my best friend for listening to me cry for months and always being there for me. If this post can help anyone, just one person, take solace, or help them with the pain, then it is worth it.

This campaign is something that I think everyone should take part in, to help them achieve their goals. 

I'm  not going to nominate anyone specifically, but I do urge you to take part  if there's  something that you to take back in your life!
If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to email me at illustratedteacup@gmail.com

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12 comments

  1. This is such a courageous post sweetie, you've taken a massive step and you'll definitely see the benefits! Getting it all out there can be so beneficial, it's comforting sharing your experiences because it makes you more real, ya'know?

    I think you're an amazing individual and you're totally right that you have to make YOURSELF happy - it's the only way to move forward :) Everyone reading this will be so proud of you and I'm proud to call you my friend <3 Always thinking of you and always here for you,

    Claire xo

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    1. Thanks sweetie, I do feel a lot better for sharing it.
      I think sometimes it is ok to be a little selfish and put yourself first, and that's what I'm doing!

      Thank you - I'm proud to call you a friend too and an inspiration!

      xxxx

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  2. Wow Rachel what an incredible post, I am honoured to be a little part of why you published it. Your very brave to share it and I am sure you will be helping lots of people.
    I recently went through our 1st ivf cycle which failed and that was hard enough, I can only imagine what you and your partner went through. I am glad you are in a better place now and I hope 2015 brings you everything you wish for. Keep strong, Cat xx

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    1. Thanks Cat!!
      I can't even imagine that kind of pain with IVF, but it does play in the back of my mind that maybe my miscarriage is a bad omen - but will have to wait and see, and handle it as if and when it comes.

      I am in a much better, happier place.
      And I hope 2015 is kinder to you too!!

      xxxx

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  3. What a beautiful post to read. So brave of you. Looking forward to seeing you take back your drive as you said, and a pat on the back to you for starting this blog in the wake of something so difficult. May take part in this campaign myself - thanks for getting the word out about it as well.
    2015 will be your year. :)
    Rebecca
    Xx

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    1. Thanks Rebecca,

      I think this blog really helped me take control of my life and helped me draw a new focus to be able to move on a little easier.
      It's a great campaign - let me know if you do so I can have a read!

      xxx

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  4. That's great sentiment. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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    1. Thank you Meghan - if this post helps someone else, it was worth writing, and creating more awareness and trying to lose the stigma and taboo subject will help others too.

      Thanks for commenting

      xx

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  5. This moved me to tears - so beautifully, eloquently and poignantly write, I send you all the love and best wishes in the world xxxx

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    1. Aww thank you Sophie. I really appreciate the support. I almost wish I had shared sooner, as I think it would have helped with the grieving and moving on process.

      Thanks for commenting

      xx

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  6. Oh Rachel, I'm sorry this happened to you. I had a miscarriage in December 2013 (at eleven weeks) and the grief was indescribable; it took me months to move past that and there are still moments when it hits me all over again (although I'm lucky enough to be pregnant again now).

    It takes a huge amount of courage to open up miscarriage so well done to you. I hope 2015 is much kinder. x

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    1. Sarah, I know your pain, though 11 weeks is so close to being safe, I can only imagine how bad that must have been for you.
      Every so often I still have moments, and then I remember all the opportunities I've had that I wouldn't have had if pregnant which really helps. Something's just happen no matter what we do.

      It was hard, but I am so glad I did.
      Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy, and all the wonderful years of mummihood to come!!

      Thanks for commenting

      xx

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