I know this is probably a blog post that has been done about a million times, but aside from loving reading other peoples (particularly, I loved this post from Lyndsey who is expecting a second little girl about a month after me, and this post from Naomi, who is expecting twin girls in May) I find it super cathartic to write some of my thoughts on this blog.
To be honest, I’m already kind of feeling like a mum of two, in the sense that I already feel pretty split between them.
I’ve talked previously about how much harder this pregnancy has been compared to with Henry, and that has really taken it’s toll on my guilt levels. Which in turn has made me worry a little for the future.
I know splitting my time between two boys is going to be hard, and is going to be riddled with guilt. I worry how Henry will cope with not getting my whole attention when he needs or wants me. He’s so used to our little trio, that a new addition is going to be big for him. Luckily he is so caring I’m sure he will love his little brother. I worry that he might not feel as loved with my time being split.
I know I won’t be able to do as much, especially when I have a newborn, and that has been a struggle to acknowledge. At the end of the day I’ll have two lives to look after and they come first, so everything else is going to second, and third. And that’s OK. I’m sure I’ll get used to the new normal. But some days when I have zero plans or plans get cancelled, and no friends to see, it can feel very overwhelming with just one, let alone two, and I truly worry that my life will become lonelier, even though I have more humans around me.
I’m also worried that I’m going to struggle to share the love. I love Henry more than I could ever put into words, and bringing a second boy into the world is so daunting. Will I be able to love the pair of them equally?
But I’m also so excited for this next chapter.
I’m so excited to see Henry as a big brother. He adores other babies and is so loving and caring to other children that I know he is going to love having another small person around everyday. I’m looking forward to the pair of them growing up together and having my hands completely full.
The worries might be higher, but I am so ready and happy for this journey as a mum of two.